and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
