i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
