I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
