You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
