I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
