awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
