Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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