I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize