just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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