the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize