i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
