literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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