he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
