I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
