I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
only if we run a train.
done.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
