i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
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