i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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