I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
