So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
