fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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