that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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