So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
