he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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