FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
