At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
