At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
