i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
