I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
