Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the day after is always just damage control
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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