I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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