i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
