I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
