I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
