based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
