how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
