I accidentally burped into my bong.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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