Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
