so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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