There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize