You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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