Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
