you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
