he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
