I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
now i know why i became what i already was.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
