Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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