When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
