Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
