i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Your penis caused this!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
