i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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