Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My ass is underappreciated
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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