Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
