hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
