i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
