I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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