my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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