u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
