Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
sex in a hospital.. check
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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