NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
