so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
