Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
