I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
