I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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