Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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