all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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