And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
