I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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