All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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