the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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