Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
