I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Sober January is a disaster.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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