They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
