no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
