you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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