It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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