just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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