Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
