How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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