Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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