i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
