I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
