Just fell off a train. Bad.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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