So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
