I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
