out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
