whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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