I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
