either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
