where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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