Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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