why didn't you poke me back
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
