im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
