I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize