The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
